i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
