Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
