There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
