Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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