Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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