Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
