Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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