Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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