why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
