More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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