I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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