found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
