you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
