I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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