how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
