Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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