Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
