I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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