living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
