i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
