If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
