My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
