I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
