it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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