I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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