nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize