I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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