I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
