Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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