Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
