worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's great music for shaving your balls
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
