Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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