O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
