Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
