when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
