So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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