she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
