to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
