Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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