Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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