Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
