I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
