and you said cock pushups were impossible
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
