I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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