shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
