life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
