found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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