operation harelip BJ is a go
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
