So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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