It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
