You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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