my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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