If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
