sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im part way to drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
