Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
