I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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