everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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