Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
