it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
