Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want her autograph on my taint
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
