just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
