I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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