I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
