And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
