Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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