Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
