If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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