It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
