just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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