neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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