Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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