You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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