I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
