Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
