I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize