Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
